You might not be surprised to learn that the culmination of J’s sensitivity exercises – learning just how sensitive your body can be to touch – is masturbation. This is all in the service of learning how best to please a man in bed.
You can call this “self pleasuring” if you prefer. That’s a nice way of describing masturbation.
But no matter what you call it, masturbation is a totally normal and enjoyable activity. Nearly every woman has masturbated at some time in her life. Most continue to do so even when they are in a relationship.
The secret is to enjoy it without guilt or shame. You see, no matter what you feel about masturbation, it is a great way of becoming familiar with the sexual responses of your own body.
So overcome your sensitivity to the “M” word, call it self-pleasuring if you wish, but make sure you enjoy what J calls “masturbation workouts”. Here’s what she said about it all.
By exploring your own body in this most intimate of ways, you can work out what kind of manipulation in the clitoral area will give you the quickest response or the most enjoyable orgasm.
You can work out what pattern of stimulation will give you multiple orgasms, too.
For example, do you need to stop for a minute after you come before starting out for the next peak?
Or can you simply continue stimulating your clitoris after you’ve come, going on immediately to your next orgasm?
You can learn more interesting things too. Like, how many orgasms you can have in a single session before you’re tired!
All of this is a great way of becoming fully erotic, knowing your body, knowing your sexual responses, and being sensual when you meet the man of your desires.
(Imagine if you had to waste precious time learning how to become sexually alive when you’re in bed with the man you desire! And with whom yo want to share sensual or sexual pleasure!)
Learning How To Be Orgasmically Sensual
Pick a time of day or evening when you’re assured of privacy without interruption of any kind.
This is your time, so devote yourself to it.
Find a lubricant you like. This might be oil-based – coconut oil, perhaps, or grapeseed oil, or a water-based lubricant (although they tend to dry out faster).
And do remember that your objective here isn’t just self pleasuring. It’s to learn about how your body responds so that you be orgasmic when you’re pleasuring a man in bed or being pleasured by him.
After all, sex is, or ought to be, a two-way street of mutual exchange of sexual satisfaction, fulfilment, gratification, and of course pleasure.
But how much easier it is to get that glorious place if you know the sexual potential of your own body before you’re in bed with your chosen man. (Or, if you are a sensuous woman, before he chooses you….)
Start by gently exploring the area of your vulva and clitoris. Is the head of your clitoris sensitive or maybe ultrasensitive to touch? Do you get a warm sensation when you rub the shaft?
Does the stimulation feel better on the left or the right-hand side of your clit? Does your whole Mons area feel sensitive, or is sensitivity limited to your vulva? And as you massage the edges of your labia, and your vaginal opening, what sensations do you experience?
Maybe you can bring yourself to orgasm without too much difficulty.
But on the other hand you may not be able to, and if that’s the case then you might want to do something about it.
You see, although it’s possible for you to take a man to bed and sexually fulfil him, there will be an element of pleasure and satisfaction – even joy – missing if you don’t reach orgasm as well.
No matter what you think about equality of the sexes, and equality of sexual opportunity, there is definitely a sense in many men’s minds that somehow it’s their “responsibility” to take a woman to orgasm!
And in my experience, even though it’s a point of view you often find played down these days, women do seem to like being taken to orgasm by their man. (Of course the same is true in reverse, too. Men loved to be pleasured by a woman.)
So think how much more easy and pleasurable it will be for both of you if you’re already orgasmic before you meet your man. When you do meet him, you can pleasure your man to sexual ecstasy on your first time in bed. Better still, you can share the joy of orgasm.
Now, even if you are orgasmic there’s always something more to learn about how your body responds to stimulation.
There’s no question that having greater confidence around sex, and a greater awareness of the sensual potential of their own body would probably help many of these women to reach orgasm without difficulty
Use A Vibrator?
Perhaps the best way to experiment with reaching orgasm (whether or not you’re not enjoying them already!) is to use a vibrator.
There’s plenty of choice online, and you can order in complete confidence and privacy. (For example – Babeland USA and Lovehoney UK.)
Let’s assume that you have your vibrator. Let’s also assume also that you’re lying naked on your bed quietly relaxing with your eyes closed, tuning into the feel of your body.
What a great prospect lies ahead! “J” was certainly an expert writer – she can make the reader begin to tingle with excitement just from her words. But the exercises aren’t just exciting! They really do help women to become orgasmic.
So as you lie on the bed, “J” suggests that you allow your mind to float off tot he thought of someone who excites you sexually. And that could be absolutely anybody! A movie star, your boyfriend, the new executive in the office, your neighbor down the street.
Whoever turns you on, imagine him looking at you stretched out naked on the bed, with your body open and hungry for him.
Feel him caressing your breasts, running his hands down and over your abdomen, stroking the inside of your thighs…. reaching higher now and gently massaging your clitoris. Let the vibrator be his hands and penis and as you take your time to enjoy the sensations let yourself go. After all, you have all night, or as long as you choose…..
Allow yourself to be swallowed up in the continuous rhythmic stimulation of the vibrator as you move it up and down around your clitoris and vagina.
As you do that, let the fantasy man in your mind rule your mind and body.
Perhaps he would be thrusting deep into you while your pelvis arches up to meet him. Perhaps he’d be thrusting hard in his eagerness to reach the commanding ecstasy of orgasm.
Or maybe he’d be teasing you, making you reach out for the next sensation……
Whatever, if you find that one fantasy you conjure up isn’t working for you, then wander onto the next one. And if you really need help, get hold of a copy of Nancy Friday’s book on female fantasies, My Secret Garden, or something more modern if you prefer.
Allow your fantasies to excite you whether they are your own or you borrow them from the book.
No matter what form fantasies take, even if they seem “socially unacceptable” they’re still your fantasies. Forced sex, threesomes, orgies, animals, lesbianism…. you can be as outrageous as you like! Whatever turns you on!
After all, no one is ever going to know……..
Now, of course if you’re new to the art of self pleasuring, you might not strike it rich with the pleasure of orgasm the first time you try.
It might even take a few weeks of practice to get your body to respond freely. Just like muscles that aren’t used, your “masturbation muscles” are going to be creaky and unused in the beginning. So much the better! More opportunity for practice. You’ll just have to build up their strength with more and more practice!
But the main thing you need if you’re a beginner in the art of developing your sensuality and sensuous sexual qualities is patience.
Research has shown that 95% of women who use self-stimulation can become orgasmic within a few weeks of beginning to use the vibrator.
And Your Fingers For Self-Pleasuring!
Of course there’s always somewhere else to go the world of sex, and in this case it’s too move from the stimulation of the vibrator to stimulation with your fingers.
Since you don’t get as much stimulation from your fingers, you’ll effectively be teaching yourself to develop a high level of sensitivity. Again, whatever technique you find to be satisfying is the one to use; there’s no right or wrong when it comes to self pleasuring.
If you’d like to read more about female masturbation techniques you can do that here.
And finally, as”J” points out, Masters and Johnson discovered that masturbation to orgasm after the beginning of menstruation would “increase the flow, reduce pelvic cramping and often relieved menstrually associated backache”. What’s not to like?