Every man relies on his partner for sexual pleasure.  But what if the couple want different amounts of sex (i.e. penetrative intercourse)?

Over the years I’ve seen a lot of suggestions on the Internet that women’s sex drive is just as high as men’s.

But when I look more closely, into the detail, I get the impression that a lot of reports which say that women enjoy as high a sex drive as men come from women who are in some way trying to restore the balance with men.

It’s almost as though having a high sex drive, and being libidinous for much of the time is a desirable state of affairs! And one in which women want to be equal to men!

Yet when you look at the scientific research, it’s quite clear that men do have a higher sex drive and a greater demand for sex at every stage of a relationship.

Now the interesting twist to this simple fact of human nature is that men want all kinds of sex, but especially penetrative sex, much more often than women do.

I mean, when you think about it, penetration is an intense act, and to enjoy it fully, woman’s really got to be in the mood. From the male point of view, it’s not much fun making love to a woman who doesn’t really want to be in bed with you.

(Although I suspect a lot of women feel it’s easier to submit to requests for sex from their man than to say “no”.)

But in any decent relationship, it’s the woman who controls the frequency of sex, and if she is limiting the amount of penetrative intercourse, then it’s not unreasonable for the couple to look for some kind of alternative for the man to enjoy sexual pleasure and satisfaction without intercourse.

Sure, a lot of people will say “Well let him masturbate or self-pleasure.”

But the reality is that although this can be a very powerful and wonderful experience, it is purely physical and it doesn’t have have the added bonus of any psychological or emotional interaction with a partner.

And that is something which makes foreplay, arousal and orgasm (and of course ejaculation for men) much more fun…. I mean, if the partner’s taking part in the sexual pleasure.

Alternatives to intercourse

But a woman who doesn’t want to enjoy penetrative intercourse when her man’s erect and aroused, and he’s sniffing around for sex like an unfixed cat, what’s the answer?

Well there are plenty of answers, in fact. To start with, almost every man in the world loves what has become colloquially known as a titty-f*ck.

This is the thrusting of the penis, hopefully well lubricated, between a pair of breasts. Now, the pleasure of this does not depend on the a size of a man’s penis.

If his penis is small, for example, he may not feel very much inside his partner’s vagina. But with breasts tightly enclosing his penile shaft and glans, regardless of size, any man is going to enjoy intense satisfaction, not to mention sexual fulfilment and hopefully pleasure from his partner’s skilful sexual stimulation.

Many women seem to enjoy this as well, either because their tits are getting attention they don’t usually get, or simply because it’s arousing and exciting for a woman to see the power she has over her man. The real reason remains a feminine secret!

Certainly a lot of women seem to enjoy watching men ejaculate – after all, it’s a visible sign that a man is enjoying himself, and he’s enjoying himself because he’s there with his woman. Good for the self-esteem, perhaps!

Another good alternative sex technique (if the woman is in the mood for it) is to allow the man to thrust his penis between her buttocks, which will possibly give her pleasure as well if he’s stimulating her anal region as his penis moves over her perineum and butt crack.

And of course there’s always the good old hand job – a reliable and pleasurable way to reach orgasm, whoever is doing the stimulation.  (OK, I admit, it’s probably much more pleasurable if somebody else is doing it than if you’re doing it yourself.)

There are plenty of videos on YouTube, and plenty of websites on the Internet, which give detailed explanations of how you can enjoy sexual pleasure in these ways, so I won’t bother repeating the instructions here.

However – one point to make is that last but not least, of course, there is oral pleasuring. A good standby, and it doesn’t need to take a man to orgasm and ejaculation, particularly if the woman doesn’t like the taste of semen.

She can always finish him off with her hand, and the truth is that by the time he’s so aroused that he’s ready to ejaculate, he may not even notice the difference when she does use her hand.

You might be wondering whether or not there is any common factor which underlies these different methods of pleasuring a man.

Well yes, there are.

To be wholly present while your man receives pleasure is important. If you’re doing the pleasuring as a favor, and you really feel that you’d prefer to be somewhere else, it’s not the most confidence boosting or self-esteem affirming sexual experience a man can have!

So if you find that you don’t want to enjoy sexual activities with your partner, it’s best to say so, and to fix a time which you can both look forward to for the mutual satisfaction and pleasure that physical intimacy can provide.

We’re taking a journey through the wisdom of The Sensuous Woman.

Ah, yes. The Sensuous Woman. That was the title of a book for women published in 1971. A groundbreaking and revolutionary book. A book about pleasing a man in bed.

This was probably the first time a woman had written a sex manual for women about how to satisfy men sexually.

The author’s wisdom was well ahead of her time. For example, she advised women to keep sex in mind. “Consider,” she suggested, “as you are tucking your beautiful body into a man’s bed that you are carrying on a great tradition – learning to make love properly.”

And she went on to say that “proper love is uninhibited and harmonious loving, carried out with consummate skill and grace.”

I’m sure we’d all agree with that but – how many of us actually are able to make love that way? (I mean make love with consummate skill and grace.)

In 1971 the answer seems to have been not very many, because The Sensuous Woman went on to say:

“I’m going to tell you exactly how to do wild, delicious things to the man you love.… And you, if you have any sense at all, are going to try every single one of them.

“What’s more, you’re going to shock yourself and like a number of these imaginative ways of expressing love and sensuality. You’re becoming the sensuous woman now, remember, and it’s time to bury forever the idea that there are right and wrong ways to make love. 

“If you are of the generations that were brought up to believe that sexual intercourse is a woman’s unhappy lot, along with menstruation, mounds of laundry and a never-ending pile of dirty dishes, pots and pans, you’re going to have to work a little harder than other women to exorcise the ghosts of sexual gilts and bugaboos.

“If you are a free daughter of these generations, you too will have to be on your guard, because you absorbed in your childhood that atmosphere of sexual frigidity, and even though you have overcome it with knowledge, occasionally you can be hit by a backlash.

“One of those especially vulnerable times is when you’re about to try something new sexually. When you feel that icy indictment of the new position or act begin to inhibit you, close your eyes and tell yourself, firmly, that anything two people lovingly learn to do with each other sexually is decent, respectable, and good for you.

“Then go and do the something new that you’re nervous about immediately. You’ve come too far in your battle to have a healthy, open sexual attitude to let yourself backslide when you come up against the unfamiliar.

“In the following sections you will learn the basic moves of the art of love. Some you will like better than others; some he will like better than others. All of them are normal and popular. Experiment with them, discuss the results with each other and incorporate the things that are most exciting into your lovemaking.”

Men’s Erogenous Zones

So The Sensuous Woman starts by advising that to make love to a man properly, you have to know the territory.

And why? Because a man’s body is absolutely covered with areas that are potential hotbeds of erotic response. Yet you might’ve been brought up to believe – as many men have – that the penis is the be-all and end-all of male sensitivity.

That’s why few men realize there are many other sensitive areas on their body.

But you only have to look at a man’s nipples during sexual excitement to see how sensitive his body is: the majority of men have nipples which become erect during sexual activity.

And some men’s breasts are more erotically sensitive than some women’s.

Amazing though this may sound, that’s an indication of how sensitive a man’s body can be.

Again – another example – would you be surprised to find that if you stimulate a man’s buttocks, he will probably get an erection?

You could lick  inside his ear and blow warm air across it at the same time. Sensuous, probably. But you can do much better than that, as you start to find out for yourself exactly which areas of your man’s body are erotically sensitive.

Because until you’ve explored his body thoroughly, you won’t really know how to pleasure a man in bed properly!

You see, when your man is introduced to the concept of getting sexual satisfaction from his whole body, you may well find suddenly find his sexual preferences will change.

Instead of wanting stimulation on his penis, either with your mouth or hand, he is going to want the kind of bodily stimulation which you enjoy.

His Head

Of course we all know that the inside of a man’s head is his most erotic zone! His response to porn, text messages from you suggesting steamy sexual activity ahead, or better still messages with your voice offering him seductive sexual delights, is usually pretty instantaneous, and pretty obvious – he starts to get erect.

So that’s a great place to start:  arousing him mentally. For example, you could whisper to him (regardless of where you are) exactly what you’re going to do to him in bed tonight.

And in response to that stimulation he’s going to create fantasy images which will be almost as arousing as the real thing !

Also, you certainly know the power of erotic movies to stimulate a man. But if you can find tasteful erotica – and believe me, it does exist in bucket loads – then watching high quality erotica with your man can be a great stimulus for you both. And this kind of foreplay can be very sexually arousing and lead to greater sexual satisfaction and pleasure for both of you.

Kissing 

You know how erotic and exciting you find kissing. But did you know that he finds it just as exciting as well?

If you’re looking for a way to sexually satisfy your man, kissing is a great place to start the journey.

Do it with a relaxed mouth. Never pucker your lips, and never kiss with your lips and teeth sealed firmly shut!

Let your lips go limp. Ease the tension from your chin, and let your teeth part slightly as you slip your teasing tongue into his mouth as the pressure of the kiss and your mutual passion mounts.

Whether you want him to take the lead in kissing or do that yourself, you can certainly add your own embellishments.

For example, when you’re coming up for air, after you’ve had a long, hungry soul kiss, you can lightly and quickly kiss him on the eyes, the nose, the forehead, the hair, the chin and then the mouth again.

And as you do so (so suggests the sensuous woman), pull the right side of his upper lip into your mouth, and then the whole lower lip with a gentle sucking motion, before releasing it and running your tongue silkily across his front teeth, gums, and around and down inside his lips….. before you allow yourself to be swept into a deep kiss again. How delicious!

(Tongue exercises: increased flexibility of your tongue will aid you in darting it into his mouth, and over and around his tongue. Both of you will get a thrill as you run your tongue lingeringly across his cheek, down his neck, across his chest to his left breast, around the nipple a few times, and then back across his chest to the other nipple. Then you can move back up to his mouth. No man will be indifferent to kisses like this!)

Pelvic Muscles and The Amazing Sensations They Can Create Will Please Any Man

As a woman, you probably have an instinctive sense that your body is your greatest sexual tool.

Well it is, at least as far as pleasuring or pleasing a man in bed is concerned. So if it wants to move in a sensuous and feminine way, then let it.

You may find that when you are sexually aroused your body has to move in a certain way. Simply allow it to do so. What you think might be shameful movements of your body are undoubtedly going to be much admired by men. You see, your body is a sensuous thing. And the way it moves is even more sensuous.

And of course when a man sees your undulating pelvic movements – be they a sophisticated belly dance, or a stripper’s repertoire of bumps and grinds – he begins to wonder how it would feel to have his penis embedded in the centre of that rhythmic and provocative wriggle.

So the more you can do to develop sensuous movements of your pelvis and buttocks the better – at least as far as sexual satisfaction you both is concerned.

Body exercises: lie on the bed, lift your hips off the bed and make imaginary designs with that part of your body. Try circles, clockwise and counterclockwise, then figure eights, then a square. Let your buttock muscles push your pelvic area up and back down again up and down, up and down.

Think of what his penis would feel like if it was deep within you as you are moving. And then think of the sensations you will be giving him when it is! (And, if you don’t want to do all of that, just go to a Pilates class or an advanced yoga class.)

Seriously, make sure you exercise your pelvic and vaginal muscles as if you were trying to imprison his penis – contract, relax, and constrict the muscles again, before you relax once more.

You see, according to our theory of what arouses men and women, when a man enters a woman she’s not supposed to lie there like a rag doll.

She is actually supposed to meet and become enmeshed in his thrusts. She is actually designed to entice his penis, to make it and its owner throb and hunger for the depths of her, and to make him feel that the centre of the universe is her pulsating vagina.

And that takes muscle – trained muscle – on your part. Read more about the art of Pompoir (for that is what it’s called) here.

Oh – you ask, what’s the pleasure in this for you?

Well, the pleasure and satisfaction lies in the knowledge that you’re driving him wild sexually. Pleasure which you share in bed. Pleasure of being a sexually fulfilled woman.

And of course the more flexible your pelvis, the more you can get maximum clitoral stimulation during intercourse. And you know what that leads to!

So start working on your glutes, your abdominals and your internal pelvic muscles. The rewards in sexual pleasure and satisfaction will be profound.