Category Archives: what men want in bed

What Men Really Want In Bed

Sometimes what men want in bed can seem like a real mystery – especially if they’re not willing to talk about it!

So here, courtesy of the best experts on the Internet, are a few things that men say they want (but which they might not have told you!)

1 To Act Out Sexual Fantasies

Men, just like you, want to try out their fantasies.

Unfortunately porn today might make age-old fantasies like wearing a French maid’s outfit might seem a bit tame!

But there’s no reason why women should be obliged to fulfill outrageous male fantasies seen in porn just because men feel that doing so would satisfy them sexually.

Anyway, the reality is rather different. Porn can introduce emotional poison into a relationship because it may produce ridiculous male expectations about women’s willingness to experiment. It can also produce resentment when women quite reasonably refuse to participate in playing out those fantasies.

If a woman wants to know how to sexually satisfy her man in bed, the best way is for her to ask him. (And of course, he needs to be ready to tell her, prompted or not.) When he reveals the fantasies he wants to play out,  talk about them. This is the best way to understand what’s important and acceptable to you both.

That said, talking about sex and what will give you both pleasure in bed is a great way to introduce your fantasies to your partner. And if you’re really in love with each other, or at least if you have a deep level of trust, many things are possible in the exploration of your fantasies.

2 To Feel Safe

A man really wants to feel safe with a woman when they’re being sexual. That means feeling safe from criticism or negative judgment.

woman lying naked on bed
Get him to reveal his fantasies! Be open with each other!

You see, male sexuality is not the robust and ever-ready thing that’s portrayed in modern literature, and particularly in porn. Although this may surprise many women, men are extremely vulnerable sexually. 

The male ego is a delicate thing. No wonder! No man can ever be sure that his erection is 100% certain. Yet at the same time men are expected to be sexually ready whenever their partner wants intimacy.  They are are expected to initiate sex, to lead during sex, and even to bring a woman to orgasm.

All of this places a large burden on men. And men also experience a sense of sexual competitiveness with other men. All this means it is easy for men to feel sexually vulnerable.

Against this background, any judgments you make can really detract from your man’s confidence in himself as a man and in his sexual confidence.

To be sexually relaxed and happy, to be sexually satisfied, a man needs to be certain that his partner is not going to judge or criticize him.

If you’re a woman in relationship with a man, you need to cultivate an open and loving attitude towards him. So if you want him to do things differently in bed, don’t say “You never….” or “Don’t…” or sound irritated.  Instead, try saying something like “It would feel wonderful if you could just do….”

And in this context, don’t take it personally if a man loses his erection. This is absolutely vital.

Tiredness or stress or worry (about many things) can impact a man’s capacity to maintain an erection. Don’t start taking his softness personally. Don’t choose to believe it’s about you, either! When you do this, you create anxiety which can make the whole performance-anxiety situation worse.

Just accept that sometimes you don’t want sex, sometimes a man can’t keep his erection. It’s not about you not being attractive enough for him to perform in bed sexually!

3 To Feel Manly and Sexually Competent

Men want women to help them feel confident and manly in bed by being non-judgmental and supportive.

You’ve probably never thought of your man as vulnerable. If you have, you might never have thought him as vulnerable sexually. Or emotionally. 

man sitting on bed looking disgruntled
Many men feel sexually vulnerable.

But men are emotionally and sexually vulnerable. And so if you are to satisfy your man sexually, you have to help him feel manly and confident.

This all relates to what men get want from sex. Obviously a man’s sexual satisfaction and pleasure are important. At the same time sex provides men and women alike with other things: a sense of youthfulness, a sense of power, sense of manliness (or femininity), a sense of normality, a sense being adequate, or even just a sense of being sexually competent.

Anything that a woman does which negatively impacts a man’s sense of masculinity will stop him opening up to you. It will also prevent him allowing himself to feel vulnerable. And then, sex will become a physical thing rather than an emotional thing.

By the way, although men do tend to want to be sexually dominant, that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. The different sexual roles of men and women in bed can lead to greater fulfillment and sexual pleasure. Sometimes that relies on one partner being the dominant one and the other yielding or being the submissive one.

4 To Feel Nurtured

Many men want to feel your fundamental feminine qualities of nurturing and support during sex.

Many women don’ know how important these qualities can be within their relationship. Men often want the support and nurture that their wives can naturally provide, although they rarely ask for it or even talk about it.

shared intimacy in bed
Women and men want and enjoy pleasure together

What men actually want, what actually pleases a man in bed, is to be with a woman who is intimate, tender, and loving.

Men also get pleasure when a woman initiates sex and really enjoys her sexual feelings towards him.

Women tend forget that men are just as emotional as women, even though they don’t show it. Sex can be a massive expression of intimacy for a man and a direct route to feeling his emotions.

5 To Be With A Confident Woman

Men want women to feel positive about their bodies. That’s because it’s a real turnoff for men when women make negative remarks about their own bodies. 

No matter why women do this, it’s just not appropriate in bed.

Of course you might be anxious that your man feels negative about your body, and you’re just testing him to see what he has to say. There are better ways to find out than that!

For one thing, it’s a massive turnoff for a man when a woman puts herself down or makes negative comments about her body.

It shows him that you’re not in the moment with him, and probably not feeling sexual either. It also suggests that you’re insensitive to his feelings of physical attraction towards you.

To satisfy a man it’s necessary to have a pleasing attitude to your own body. If you really don’t have a positive attitude to your own body, it might be worth seeking out some counselling support to help you change your viewpoint.

6 To Be With a Woman Who Can Express Her Sexual Needs

Men want women to express their sexual needs, not leave it to them to guess what she wants.

Men are often baffled by women’s variable sexuality, particularly when what pleases a woman in bed seems to change from one day to the next.

The key to getting sex right is to simply tell your man what you want, openly and honestly.

Of course this requires him to be able to listen to you and to respond appropriately. This is an important part of  learning to be intimate together and to enjoy sexual pleasure in bed.

If you’re shy about talking about what turns you on, one thing you can always do is to take his hand and guide him on ways to pleasure you.

Better, though, that you establish open and honest communication. And above all keep sex positive and fun.
One way to ensure sex is fun is to keep it positive. And to do that, don’t say what you don’t like! Simply tell him what you do like when you’re together.

7 To Be With A Woman Who Can Take Responsibility for Her Own Sexual Pleasure in Bed

You need to explain to your man how you reach orgasm, how you obtain sexual pleasure. He also needs to know whether it’s important that you to have an orgasm during intercourse.

woman pleasuring man in bed
Who is responsible for whose sexual pleasure?

Not knowing this can spoil sex for both of you. When your expectations aren’t clear, you’re being unfair. Anyway, if you leave it to your man to figure out what makes you come, you might never have an orgasm!

Not explaining what gives you the ultimate sexual satisfaction in bed is ridiculous! Your man doesn’t live inside your body, so he needs your help to understand what turns you on and takes you to orgasm.

Don’t leave him to fumble on his own and then express your irritation or anger towards him because he hasn’t done it right!

Simply tell him what you want, or take his hand and guide him in a way that will give both the sexual pleasure that you desire. Easy!

8 Trust

A man wants you to trust each other enough to feel completely vulnerable to each other.

To feel safe, vulnerable and open to another person without reservation allows the deepest expression of your emotions and feelings.

It also leads to the ability to “let go” at the moment of orgasm, to completely abandon yourself to the sensations of sexual pleasure and fulfillment. This is a great way to satisfy a man in bed.

To truly pleasure a man, you need to be vulnerable, open and yielding. At the same time, for you to be able to please him in every way, he needs to be ready and willing to let you to satisfy him at the deepest level. And that means opening up to you emotionally as well.

What men want