The Polarity Of Feminine And Masculine

Laughing woman seated naked on ground
Are you connected to the deepest level of your femininity? Or are you disconnected and unfulfilled?

Do you feel dissatisfied around sex and relationships, but you don’t quite know what’s wrong?

Do you have a sense that you’ve lost touch with something important about yourself?

Do you feel there’s something fundamentally wrong with your relationship, but you don’t really know what it is?

Perhaps in all these situations the problem – at least in part – is that you’ve lost touch with your feminine self, with your feminine power.

Recent years have led us to growing realization and a deeper understanding that somehow the essence of femininity and masculinity have become ill-defined – if not confused.

Masculine and Feminine

Men have lost touch with their male identity and are not providing the safety and security for women that true masculinity engenders. At the same time women have started to take on more masculine energy, and lost touch with their feminine power.

You might have a sense of that in your own life. Struggling with work, the demands of home and family, children and aged parents: all of this can cause a woman to go out into the world with a more masculine energy, an energy directed to achievement, to getting things done, perhaps even to competition.

Yet at the same time, deep down, a woman will always know if she’s out of attunement with the essence of her feminine being. One key here is her relationship with the masculine: is her presence pleasing her man? Is he pleased by his woman’s presence? Does she feel pleased (sexually or otherwise) to be with her man?

Tony Robbins – among many others – has suggested that many of the difficulties we face in society in general (and relationships in particular) are somehow related to a confusion of male and female energy going on in society at the moment. I think there is a lot of truth in this.

sexually satisfied couple
Let’s not understate the importance of the differences between men and women!

We all have both masculine and feminine qualities within us.

And to feel truly aligned with who we are, to feel “at home” in our bodies, I believe we have to stand in the masculine or feminine energy which goes with our gender.

And it’s impossible for women to stand in the feminine energy they would naturally embody if they’re having to work and function in ways which require them to demonstrate masculine energy.

You might have a sense that this is going on for you, but not be sure quite what it means.

And no wonder – how could you possibly know what you don’t know? In other words, if you don’t know what it’s like to stand in your true feminine power, how could you know that you’re not standing in your true feminine power?

But imagine: what might it be like if you were standing in your feminine power and embodying femininity, not only in your life in general, but in your relationships with men – particularly your intimate, one-to-one, sexual relationship with a man?

Sexual Chemistry

One of the things that would be different would be the level of sexual chemistry between you. There would be a polarity of masculinity and femininity. There’d be passion, there’d be a desire for sex, and there’d be sexual satisfaction.

man sitting on bed looking disgruntled
Avoid sexual confusion by staying firmly in your feminine – at least in the bedroom.

And sexual chemistry is required for a good sexual relationship, because the best sex depends on a woman embodying her femininity and a man embodying his masculinity – and on the polarity of sexual energy this generates between them.

When a man moves along the scale of masculinity towards the feminine end, and a woman moves along the scale towards the masculine end, confusion ensues.

Sexual polarity diminishes, and sexual energy (passion) is lost or diminished. 

What is Femininity?

To answer that question, let’s look at some of the ways in which women truly embody feminine energy.


Certainly it’s powerful to stand in your own femininity. You might feel a sense of bravery, as you do things which surprise even yourself.

You see, femininity is not weak – it has a different kind of power to masculinity. And in some ways femininity is actually more powerful than masculinity.

powerful women looking at camera
Feminine power is very much the equal of masculine power – but different.

Femininity allows a woman to go out into the world and experience all personal power that she can bring with herself.

She leaps into the unknown. Such bravery and trust in the unknown is one distinctive feature of feminine power.


And of course along with that goes powerful intuition.

And also attunement with planet Earth, and with the people and the cycles beyond the Earth, such as the cycles of the moon and the sun, the seasons, and of course the cycles of the feminine.

To listen to your body and know what it’s telling you, to be able to trust your intuition, is, in short, very much in the arena of the feminine.

To Belong

To be part of a powerful “tribe” is essential before you can step fully into who you are. Committing to feminine authenticity requires extreme courage because it requires you to relinquish much of what might currently be expected of you by others. (The same is completely true for men stepping into their authentic masculinity.)

And so, to commit to authenticity requires a community to support you.

Essential parts of the process of staying in integrity with yourself and committing to your inner truth are being free of competition, and being able to openly, intimately, and vulnerably share your truth with others.

Naturally, the outcome of this is that you stop compromising. You put yourself first. Your identity becomes about who you are, not about what you do. 

And while belonging to a tribe may involve the pleasures of being with men, pleasuring men, and being pleased by men, it also depends on being alone with the pleasing presence of women. Read more about this here.

To Put Yourself First

Perhaps the most courageous thing a woman can do is to put herself firstTo stop compromising in response to the needs of others.

Sure, of course women may somehow be “programmed” to compromise their own needs for the needs of children and partners and family and the others for whom they care.

But in every woman’s life there may come a time when she realizes that she must stop compromising, either in whole or in part, and follow her heart’s desire instead.

And when she does so, she knows that her truth can no longer be buried to maintain the status quo, and the outpouring of her energy can be transformative.

And then, a woman can define success on her own terms.

Generally for women such success is doing work that matters – based on a vision of making an impact at either a local level or a global level.

This is a far cry from competing with other women or with men for status and power. 

Maybe at this point you’re wondering what the point of this might be? Why would a woman want to fully embody feminine energy in a world that appears to be run by men and masculine energy?

Because it’s necessary. Not just for the world, but for your own soul.

To stand in your own femininity if you are a woman (and your own masculinity if you are a man) brings you truly back to the essence of who you are. It’s a deeply fulfilling place to be. Born to be a woman, your birthright is to experience feminine energy in its purest form.

Reclaiming and Living What Has Been Lost From Your Lineage

Group of friends
Have your tribe support you.

“Women’s work” is a phrase used to describe the experience of reclaiming femininity, and reclaiming the power of femininity.

It can be personally transforming, and it can heal the world.

You see, the disconnection of women from their feminine “knowing”, their feminine energy, their feminine power, perhaps in an attempt to make themselves masculine to survive, has led to an environmental crisis.

It has also led to a crisis of femininity.

And the one thing the Earth needs now, more than ever before in history, is for women to reclaim and bring the gifts of the true sacred feminine to the fore.

This goes beyond personal fulfilment. It’s satisfying and necessary to feel the power of your own femininity as a woman. But the importance of doing so goes much further. It goes right to the centre of our existence on this planet.

Video – Can the Feminine Save The World?

A lot of people seem to think that reclaiming femininity is something to do with being enslaved in the home or being subservient to men (or even being superwoman). But these beliefs are merely conditionings and stereotypes.

They are not honoring of the innate qualities that a woman brings to the world.

The essence of a woman’s femininity and the source of its power is the feminine connection to the cycles of nature, a deep intuition, a deep capacity to relate, and perhaps more than anything else a capacity to feel and develop heart- centerd experience.

To understand this, let alone embody it, calls for women to be freely connected together in a place where feminine power can be nurtured, recaptured, and encouraged.

It calls for women of all ages to come together to understand what it means to be feminine. It means the end of competition, isolation and disconnection.

And just in case you’re wondering, this is neither about feminism nor patriarchy.

It is about honoring the unique gifts of women and connecting to the wisdom of the sacred feminine. And that is available to every woman if she chooses to listen to what her essence is telling her.

And in the context of this website (the one you’re looking at now), it’s important for you to understand that by becoming truly feminine you can magnetize the masculinity in your man.

This is not a matter of subservience; in fact, it’s a matter of equality.

But the important thing is that both man and woman step fully into and embody their own deepest essence.

Here’s an extract from the writing of Caroline Shearer, author of the inspiring book “Women Will Save The World”:

“I want women to embrace, love, and honor themselves and to feel inspired to be the best they can be – that is where we start. By appreciating our feminine qualities, we step more into who we are, and that love overflows from us and affects those around us. In that place of power, we show others that love is what the world is about.”

Standing Fully in Our Feminine:

  • Allows us to be in our personal power
  • Feels more fulfilling
  • Brings out masculine qualities in our male mates
  • Helps attract mates living in their masculine!

“Many women understand that in some areas of our lives, most often our careers, we tend to operate in a masculine state of being. This is what helps us to organize, strategize, and achieve. We even can experience a rush with this, the ‘Yes!’ of finishing a hard task, obtaining an excellent client, or earning an honor. And, it is wonderful we are able to tap into this side of ourselves.

To experience more love in our lives, however, we want to shift this ‘Go get ’em’ energy to one of receptivity. Instead of trying to go after attention, we magnetize it. This feels so very different than masculine energy, as feminine receptivity energy is ethereal, subjective, and often ‘unknown.’ This is because being feminine is not an objective we can achieve; rather, we must allow ourselves to be and experience feminine energy.

“What I have found, is that while I appreciate the masculine parts of myself, I am most fulfilled when I also am indulging my creative, feminine side. I may get little hits of ‘Yes!’ when I accomplish masculine tasks, but when I step fully into my feminine, I am wrapped up in an energy that is electric and stimulating and makes it feel like the whole world has stopped. That is the beauty of the feminine.

“When we step fully into the feminine, we then begin to magnetize men who are embracing their masculine sides – a perfect balance of our energies. This means not only are we attracting potential partners, but we are attracting the right kinds of partners.”

This still begs the question: how do you live more in our feminine? Here is a list of ways to celebrate your feminine, from Caroline Shearer (as explained in her book, Women Will Save the World.)

Now you may be sensing something stirring within you at this point: you may be sensing the call of the feminine, the desire to experience this for yourself – even if you have never have done this so far in your life.

So in the next post we will look in more detail at how you can step into the feminine, and in doing so magnetise the masculine.

And I need hardly say, I’m sure, that when you do that, you will find the right kind of man to complement you.

And please, note the word complement. Some women have suggested to me that what I’m describing is a symbiotic or codependent relationship where the woman has a role in making the man whole by providing feeling and sensitivity, while he provides power and leadership.

That’s a complete misunderstanding of what’s going on here.

In a truly powerful relationship where woman and man stand in their femininity and masculinity respectively, energy will flow between them (i.e. passion) because of the polarity of energy that comes from the difference between masculine and feminine.

Then, the sex is great, woman pleases man, and man pleases woman. And then you have a natural harmony and sense of order in your relationship with a man.