Achieving Pleasure For Her and Pleasure For Him!
This matters because every man who cares about his woman’s pleasure knows it’s important to help her enjoy orgasms on a regular basis.
A woman who is enjoying orgasms on a regular basis and who feels like her partner cherishes and cares about her happiness, sexual and otherwise, is going to be a happy woman.
And that means he’s going to be a happy man as well, because he’s going to enjoy sex on a regular basis!
Now of course this is fundamentally about showing that you love your partner by demonstrating that her happiness and fulfillment is important to you.
It’s also about demonstrating that you really do desire to please your partner in bed. That you want her to experience well-being and happiness.
It’s about demonstrating that you are, in fact, a decent lover who isn’t selfish and just wants to take his own pleasure.
And the way to do this is simple! You just have to take the time to ensure that your partner enjoys sex – and has an orgasm – as often as you do.
And when you enjoy long-lasting foreplay, this will almost always arouse your partner sufficiently to ensure that she can reach orgasm.
And what would this kind of foreplay look like?
Well, in general, what it would look like is extended foreplay, plenty of genital caressing and soft bodily touch, sensuous caressing and kissing, to produce intimate connection. This can also be achieved by eye gazing, which generates intimacy of both the spiritual and physical kind.
This is the kind of connection and love which women appreciate and which really arouses them and turns them on in their body as well as their mind.
You see, sexual arousal for a woman is a very different matter than for a man. Men are turned on by something as simple as seeing a naked woman, but for a woman, sexual arousal requires much more subtle interaction, and sensuous connection.
These are skills that can be learned pretty easily. And most men know that it’s worth making the effort to ensure that a woman is happy and sexually fulfilled in every way.
There’s a book called “Women Come First” by Ian Kerner, which is well worth reading. It explains the nature of sexual satisfaction and pleasure between men and women.
Basically Kerner’s thesis is that men should always ensure a woman comes (reaches orgasm) through sexual stimulation by means of cunnilingus before his orgasm takes place.
He makes the valuable point that oral pleasure, or cunnilingus, is by far the most easy and valuable way of building intimate connection with a woman. It’s very likely to lead to orgasm because it’s highly arousing. And women almost all favor this way of receiving sexual pleasure from a man.
Men tend to like cunnilingus, and enjoy the sense of arousal that it produces in them as well as in their partner. This is a recipe for sexual satisfaction which can be put into effect straightaway!
Video – oral pleasuring by a man on a woman (cunnilingus)
If you’re less fond of cunnilingus, you can bring your female partner to orgasm with mutual masturbation or pleasuring by hand before intercourse.
It’s also about discovering what in your relationship will give you most sexual pleasure. Would that be, for example, watching erotica? Would it be finding out how your erogenous zones enjoy physical stimulation? Would it be role-playing, dominance, or something else way beyond “vanilla sex”?
Find out what pleases you and what pleases your partner. That way you can enjoy a happy sexual relationship, one that’s fulfilling for both you and your partner in bed.
Video – Do What Pleases Her!
After all, knowing how to please a woman in bed is one of the most fundamental aspects of being a man. The reality of our culture is that many women (and indeed many men) regard this as a fundamental dynamic of the relationship between the sexes!
How To Please A Woman In Bed
Let’s start with some anatomy. Do you know where her clitoris is to be found?
Locating her clitoris and pleasuring her there is not a particularly difficult thing to do. Taking the time to do it means you are a good lover. It shows you have confidence, you want to please her, and her satisfaction is of concern to you.
Remember also that she needs reassurance that you’ll take the time to bring her to orgasm. That way, she’ll have the best possible opportunity to explore whether or not orgasm is on the cards this time.
Another point to be aware of is that if your woman is inhibited, she may be very reluctant to try anything beyond sex in the missionary position. She may not have much experience of reaching orgasm during sex. Here’s what askmen thinks about coping with this situation.
The best way to tackle such a situation is to work slowly, to build her confidence so she can more openly and easily express her sexuality. You can really help her here by discussing these issues when you’re outside the bedroom. Inside the bedroom, just enjoy time together; this can also help her develop trust in you.
It’s a real shame that so many women (and quite a few men, too!) find sex embarrassing or shameful. It’s the product of the way we were brought up by parents who didn’t know any better, or by caregivers who deliberately or otherwise inhibited the expression of our natural joyous sexuality.
Sexual Pleasure
This section covers some techniques and principles that may help you feel more confident when discovering how you can discover what your woman likes in bed.
There are those who would say that it isn’t the man’s responsibility to bring a woman to orgasm. However, in most couples the man takes great satisfaction in knowing how to bring his woman to orgasm, and most women are very happy to lie back and go for it.
It feels right, doing it like this. It feels natural to the woman to get the appreciation and attention of her man. It feels right to the man to be in the position of leading his woman to orgasm, knowing exactly how to please her in bed.
What Women Like In Bed
One of the problems with offering this kind of advice on how to pleasure a woman is that there are an infinite number of ways to stimulate a woman (or a man) for that matter.
Furthermore, every woman has her own individual preferences, styles of arousal, and erogenous zones.
What this means is that if you try and use a pattern of stimulation that worked with another woman, you may find it has no effect at all on the one you’re with this time: individual discovery is everything.
Sexual skills that make you a great lover
Being a good lover means communicating emotionally with a woman before you get into bed. Being a really great lover involves finding out about the little things that turn your woman on. But there are still some basic things you need to know!
First is that a woman may not be able to tell you specifically what she wants because sometimes she doesn’t actually know!
The inward facing, partially hidden genitals of a woman could be a metaphor for her sexuality. It’s somewhat mysterious, not obvious to you, and probably not that obvious to her either.
The Mysteries Of Female Orgasm
So your first problem is overcoming the uncertainty of what she actually wants. That’s why you have to make a bit of an effort to find out how to satisfy your woman, to find out what she wants in bed.
The problem is that some women believe if they communicate in words it will take them away from their sexual arousal. But sexual communication doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be as simple as a murmur, a yes or no, or even a guiding of your hand with hers to the point where she’d prefer you to be stimulating her.
It’s not fair for women to expect men to know how to please a woman in bed if they don’t cooperate in communicating what those needs are.
Often women get irritated when a man doesn’t do what they want. However, sometimes they haven’t communicated what they want, and sometimes, they just expect you to know! So the first thing to do is to encourage your partner to communicate clearly and simply about what she wants.
That’s not a conversation to have when you’re already in the bedroom trying to take her to orgasm! Have that conversation when there’s no pressure on you, when you’re both feeling relaxed, when you’re feeling connected to each other.
What Women Need To Feel Pleasure
To start with she needs a very gentle stimulation across the whole of the area of her vulva, labia, inner thighs around her pubic area.
She always needs plenty of lube: saliva is perfectly adequate if nothing else is available, but you may find a water-based lubricant helps the slipperiness that aids female sexual arousal.
And – at least to start with – she doesn’t need direct contact on the clitoris, she needs stimulation around it.
As a man you know how sexually satisfying it is when you speed up the stimulation that you give to yourself with your hand when you masturbate. But most women don’t want that. In fact they want the opposite. So when they say something is feeling good, they want you to carry on doing exactly what you’re doing.
Their slow, gradual rise into sexual arousal means slow steady stimulation is called for. It also means you really do need to know that only at her “point of no return”, will she want faster and harder stimulation of her clitoris. Then, speeding up stimulation and increasing pressure will tip her over into orgasm — most of the time!
And there are times when a woman’s orgasm just slips away unaccountably, for no obvious reason at all. This will deprive her of orgasmic pleasure, no matter how skillful at pleasuring her you may be.
You may be able to start again, but it’s equally possible that that’s it for the day! And you really need to read this on orgasm inequity.
All of these things are a mystery to men, and require patience, tolerance and understanding. But to give maximum sexual pleasure to a woman, you need to understand them.