Back in the days when women were supposed to be shy and demure, an anonymous author calling herself “J” wrote a book called “How To Become The Sensuous Woman“.
This was a revolutionary book at the time, because it described quite openly and explicitly how ordinary girls who wanted better sexual experiences could turn themselves into man magnets – and sexually pleasure a man, while enjoying the sex themselves.
You can understand how revolutionary this was in the context of the late 1960s and early 70s. Just imagine! A book for women, describing “how to move from lousy sex to great sex” and teaching you how to be “a full woman” – this was almost unheard of!
Needless to say, the women who read this book attracted men easily, and apparently had wonderful sex lives.
So I’m going to put up a series of posts describing some of “J’s” advice and information. Hopefully, time will prove how valuable her advice remains as you discover your own way of learning how pleasure a man and give him the sexual satisfaction he craves.
Now, you might be thinking that this is all a bit superficial, and that a relationship should be based on love, mutual compatibility, and so on.
And of course long-term relationships do involve all those wonderful qualities! But you have to understand that from a man’s point of view, one of the best “hooks” you can offer is to be a sensual woman. He’ll fall for it almost every time…
What does that mean? Well it means being good in bed – at the very least, being enthusiastic about sex.
And it does mean something more as well.
It means being a woman who is confident and competent in sexual techniques which can please men.
But don’t make the mistake of thinking that this is a one-sided giveaway from you to him, from woman to man.
The reality of human relationships is that when you know how to please a man or to pleasure him in bed, however you want to put it, you will give him the gift of reconnection to his feelings of affection and love.
And that will give him ample opportunity to work out how he feels about you. And it will give you ample opportunity to display the qualities which will convince him that you really are the one he needs to settle down with.
Is this using sex as a tool to get a man?
You can see it that way if you like! I’d rather see it as a true meeting of male and female.
As the woman using her innate sexual gifts (which can pleasure her just as much as they can pleasure any man), to establish a connection with the man which can then develop into a relationship.
So please don’t forget that at every point in your relationship, from the very first moment you set eyes on a man, you’re in charge of the sex. How much, how often, how satisfying and pleasurable it is.
In short, there’s as much sex in the relationship as you choose to offer.
And this is not about being cheap or giving yourself away! It’s about genuinely finding a way to offer a man sexual satisfaction and pleasure, for the benefit of the two of you.
You see, there’s nothing that makes a man more eager to pleasure a woman than the fact she is willing to take the time and care to give him what he really craves more than anything else – a woman who knows how to (and is willing to) pleasure a man gracefully and willingly. Or, to put it another way, to satisfy his most urgent desires.
“J” makes the point that you can learn to be sensuous.
She talks of “digging up and honing a lot of qualities that have been lying fallow deep within you”.
And then she lists what she sees as the four keys to increased sensuality. They are: heightened sensitivity, sexual appetite, the desire to give, and sexual skill.
And it’s certainly true that when you look through her book she’s offering timeless advice.
For example, to become a good lover, you do indeed need to be in touch with your own physical sensitivity, with the sensations and sensitivity of your skin.
She describes each of these areas in turn. And I’m going to describe her suggestions, and offer ideas about how you might follow it in our modern, electronic era!
So, to start at the very beginning….
To increase the sensitivity of your skin to stimulation, which is an essential part of building a greater sensuality, she describes several exercises which can help increase sensuality.
The first one involves getting together a number of household items with different textures.
She suggests using a leather glove, a powderpuff, a cracker, a bar of soap, a rolling pin, a fur hat, a dish of water, a terry cloth towel, a silk scarf, a slice of bread, a pincushion, a leaf off a plant, a pearl necklace, and anything else you fancy.
You sit in a comfortable chair, blindfold yourself, and then slowly and gently run your hands over each of these items for a total of 10 minutes.
She suggests that you “allow each one’s special texture to imprint itself in your fingertips”. After which, you lean back in the chair, and recreate in your mind how each item felt when you were touching it.
In essence, your fingers can actually memorize the cool firmness of the pearls, the rough intricacy of the lace, the bumpiness of the cracker, the fluffiness of the powderpuff, and so on. (Can you get a powderpuff these days?)
You will, claims J, be surprised at your tactile memory. She advises you to finish by touching everything one more time and then rest.
I’m sure you can see how this kind of exercise can improve your sensual awareness of touch.
Her exercises gradually increase in what I’d call “sexual quality” right up to number nine, which is all about celebrating your body by buying “some absolutely scrumptious feminine things – lacy, silky, meltingly feminine.”
And she’s right about that, because by indulging yourself with underwear of real quality and beauty, you will feel like a sexy, feminine woman. Few things match the knowledge that you’re wearing the most glamorous, seductive and beautiful underwear.
Trying her exercises can change your self-image so that you begin to see yourself as inherently more sensual and, therefore, sexual.
Before we go on, a note of caution. Feminism worked hard for increased feminine liberation and opportunity, not to mention the acceptance of feminine power in society.
Perhaps to you it somehow seems slightly questionable that a woman should go all out to develop her feminine sensuality simply for the purpose of pleasuring a man or pleasing him in bed.
So I want to emphasize again that, for me, this is all about really getting in touch with, and connecting with, your basic feminine nature.
This is the essence of the Goddess within you. You can’t fully experience your own sexual power, in my opinion, unless you sit firmly in the place where nature originally put you.
After all, you are a woman, with all the feminine genes and historical cultural knowledge of what it really means to be a woman. Some words that come to mind here are seduction, sensuality, sexual, sexual fulfilment, sexual power, and sexual gratification.
Of course ultimately it’s for you to decide if you really want to develop a full sexual expression of your femininity in pursuit of your desire to pleasure a man.
But I’m guessing you wouldn’t be here, reading this, if there wasn’t a part of you which was at least curious about what it would be like to sit firmly in a very feminine place.
Curious about how best to seduce a man, to offer him the full ripeness of your glorious femininity. And to do that not only for his pleasure, but for the deep and profound sexual fulfilment and satisfaction which you will experience as you meet both his needs and your own.
But I’m not going to reproduce all of “J’s” exercises about how to increase sensuality and sensitivity to touch. For one thing, the book still available secondhand on Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk. Just search for “How To Become The Sebnsuous Woman”.
But one thing I do want to mention before I move on to the next step in J’s program for pleasuring a man is the book Sanasession by Grace Jane Treber.
There are a few copies around on Amazon; act now and you might be lucky enough to get hold of one.
Here’s how J describes it: “She offers those all-important exercises to condition your lovemaking muscles, such as the gluteals, the abdominals and the levator. I strongly advise you to read and do the exercises recommended by Grace in her famous book called Sanasession. Although you can benefit from the whole book, these exercises are contained in her remarkable seventh chapter. I think you’ll find her healthy, no-nonsense attitude toward sex refreshing and the exercises fantastic. Don’t procrastinate on the exercise program. You’re really going to need those toned muscles when you get to… my advice on how to drive a man to ecstasy!”
And that, which we will come to shortly, can be found in Chapter 11 of J’s book How To Be The Sensuous Woman.