Erectile dysfunction
If you have difficulty getting erect during sex you don’t want to be told the answer lies in Viagra or penile implants – you want to be able to enjoy either planned or spontaneous masturbation, intercourse and oral sex confidently, knowing that your penis will be ready just when you need it to be.
The truth is that many doctors don’t have time to talk through all the emotional and psychological issues that might affect your erection.
This book tells you how to get your erection back and keep it hard for as long as you want in a simple, comprehensive and understandable way.
It shows you the emotional issues that can affect your penis and your erections, and how your relationship with your partner may be part of the problem; it reveals how you can find out what’s causing your erectile dysfunction or impotence, or the loss of your erection, and it explains how you can put it right, showing you the techniques you need to do this, step by step.
At the moment you might be feeling bad about yourself. When a man can’t get an erection he’s missing a basic part of his masculinity. No surprise, really. An erect penis is the most basic symbol of being a man; more than this, it feels good to be erect, to show your potency to the world – or the woman you’re having sex with.
Your erection says, “Look at my masculinity. Look at my erection and know I can have you, I can give us both sexual pleasure.” In fact, it tells your sexual partner of your male power and pride – and it shows you that you can penetrate and take your partner sexually.
Without an erection, you’re going to feel less of a man.
I don’t think women can really understand, deep down in their guts, as we men do, how important a man’s ability to get it hard and erect during sex is to his sense of self. Waking up with a morning erection is a daily reminder of our potency and male power.
Responding to sexual stimulation with sexual desire and arousal keeps us aware of our masculinity. Finding that we get erect when we might have intercourse or sexual pleasure with a partner is a fundamental part of being male. It reinforces our masculinity.
No wonder that erectile dysfunction, impotence and losing your erection are such a big deal.
That’s no mystery: to be able to have sex on demand, to make love as and when you choose, to know you can enjoy your partner whenever you both want it – that is a vital part of being a man.
How Does Impotence, or Erectile Dysfunction, Begin?
Maybe you’re a young man starting out on your sexual experiences, and you’ve found you couldn’t get hard when you were with a girl who wanted to have sex with you.
Maybe you’re in your thirties, forties or fifties and you’ve suddenly found that your penis doesn’t get hard like it once did. You might not be able to rely on it becoming erect and hard when you start kissing, or even when you’re in bed with a naked and willing woman.
Maybe you want to make love to a woman you’ve just met, but your penis stays soft. Perhaps you once lost your erection in the middle of making love for some reason, and since then it hasn’t been reliable.
Maybe you’re an older man who has given up on getting erect, and if you have sex at all, you can only offer oral sex and masturbation to your partner.
Or maybe you have diabetes which is affecting your potency. Perhaps medication you’re taking for another condition, like SSRIs for depression, or Ranitidine for excess stomach acid, is affecting your erections.
For each and every one of these situations – and all the rest not mentioned – there is a cure, a treatment that will stop your erection problem.
Erectile dysfunction may or may not occur when a man is masturbating on his own. Often, though, impotence doesn’t happen in isolation. It’s a problem for two people – you and the woman you’re with. And women are often not as sympathetic as they might be to erection problems. Sad, but true.
Performance anxiety and impotence or erectile dysfunction
You might have noticed how you can sometimes lose your erection when you have sex. This can happen for lots of reasons: you’re feeling depressed, tired, stressed, worried about sex with a new partner, you don’t want to have sex with an old partner, you had too much to drink – whatever.
These things aren’t exactly erectile dysfunction or impotence – they are more like a kind of performance anxiety before you get into bed. But all of these things can make you lose your erection, and if it’s happened once it may happen again, often when you least expect it.
We all want to look manly, and there’s nothing more important than being able to get hard when we’re with an attractive sexual partner.
So if you lose your erection when you have sex, and that’s a new experience, it’s one that you’re going to worry about. And when you worry about it, guess what happens next time? You lose your erection. And so it goes on, each time getting worse and worse, until you start to avoid sex altogether.
Each time you get into bed you’re more focused on whether or not your penis will work than on the sex. This makes it even more likely your penis won’t get erect.
This can even lead to a situation where you develop a good erection during foreplay and then, when it comes to the moment of penetration, or the moment of putting on the condom, you lose it pretty much instantly. This is hard to understand and even harder to cope with: just when you think the situation is solved, it suddenly gets worse!
And as if this wasn’t bad enough, you might then find that you develop premature ejaculation or your desire for your partner disappears….
What do men do when they discover they have erectile dysfunction?
Men try lots of things when they first discover they have an erection problem. Maybe you’ve thought about trying some of these ideas yourself, or maybe you’ve already plunged right in and tried them out.
The most common one is to have sex with another woman – younger or more sexy than your current partner. Some men feel tempted to pay for sex. Others try Viagra. Many look for porn on the internet.
Some want to try new sexual practices with their partner: tying her up, talking dirty, dressing up, spanking, whatever. Some men avoid sex altogether and throw their energies into work or hobbies.
But these are not solutions – and they probably won’t work anyway.
Although an erection problem is a bad experience, you don’t have to try these things, nor do you have to suffer in silence – or, indeed, suffer at all.
Some Common Erection Problems You May Have Experienced
You don’t get erect through fantasy, seeing your partner’s body, or thinking about sex any more
When you’re a young man, your penis leaps to attention at the least hint of sex. It’s not quite as eager when you’re in your thirties, forties or fifties – you respond more slowly. And if you were mostly turned on by fantasy or sexual thoughts when you were young, getting an erection can be much harder when you’re older.
To discover that you don’t get an erection when you’re watching an attractive sexual partner undressing or showing off her body can be a real shock. The good news is that this is one of the easiest forms of erectile dysfunction to solve.
Premature ejaculation can lead to impotence
A surprising fact, maybe, but it happens. You try and tune out what you’re thinking about when you have sex to slow down your ejaculation – and then, bang! Before you know it, your erection has disappeared.
Physical problems can cause erection difficulties
There are a lot of medications that damp down a man’s capacity to have an erection.
For example, drugs used to treat depression or high blood pressure may cause erectile dysfunction. Older men may have diabetes, nerve problems, circulation problems, or other medical problems. (One sign of this is that you can’t get an erection when you masturbate.)
But be careful here – you might just have a low level of testosterone. In my opinion, that isn’t a serious problem because it can easily be treated, and I tell you how in the member’s area of this website.
Low testosterone can cause erectile dysfunction
A decline in testosterone affects about one man in 10 over the age of forty and almost half of all men aged 70.
Symptoms include lack of erections, low sex drive, depression, aches and pains, irritability and personality change, tiredness and a lack of enthusiasm and energy for life. This is one of the most important pieces of information any man over fifty can have.
Emotional problems can be both the cause and the effect of erectile dysfunction
Depression and anxiety are the most common cause of erection difficulties, but they can be treated – and the associated erection problems can be cured too.
Other things that can affect your erections include anger, resentment, sexual boredom, a failing relationship, loss of desire, low libido….and many more. They are all featured on this website.
But how can you tell if there’s an emotional or physical basis to your erection problem? Well, you can rule out a physical problem immediately if you’re able to get an erection when you masturbate or if you have morning or night-time erections. If you do, the loss of your erection during sex might be caused by anxiety about losing your erection. (Yes, it really does work that way!)
By the way, physical problems are much less of a barrier to overcoming an erection problem than you might think.
Erectile dysfunction or impotence often seems like a total and permanent sexual disaster, but in fact you just have to know how to deal with it and what to do about it.
The book explains in detail all of the emotional issues associated with erectile problems, what you can do about them, and how you can easily, quickly and simply resolve them and stop them happening again. It also describes how you and your partner can establish complete and relaxed communication about sex, end your sexual problems (both yours and hers), reinforce your loving feelings for each other, and improve many other aspects of your relationship.
Things You May Not Know About Impotence and Erectile Dysfunction
One of the big problems we face as men in this society is that there are so many myths floating around which put huge pressure on us to perform sexually.
They also give us a sense of failure when we don’t match up to them. I examine them all in the website, and tell you how to find your own way sexually, regardless of what others expect of you.
Here are some of the worst myths:
A man should be able to have sex on demand with any woman who is willing and available. This is ridiculous, and any man who believes it will undoubtedly find his erection wilting from time to time. Here’s the truth: there plenty of women in the world with whom you wouldn’t ever want to have sex – and it’s OK to say “no” to them!
A man should be able to get an erection on demand, all the time, every time. If you judge standards of male sexuality by what you see in the tabloid press (“We did it six times a night” – that kind of crap), or even by what your male friends tell you, you’re heading for erection problems when you find you can’t match up.
The truth is that a man does not get erect every time, and at any one time, about ten percent of all men have erection problems.
A man should never be nervous when having sex. This is another myth about male sexuality. Men are likely to be just as anxious when meeting a new partner, or indeed making love to an old one, as women.
A lot of male anxiety comes from the idea that a man is always expected to lead, direct and take the initiative in sex. Women who believe this, and want you to lead and initiate sex all the time, are only adding to your erection problems.
A man should be able to seduce and successfully take to bed every woman he meets who seems to be attracted to him. When you buy in to this belief, you set yourself up for failure. You can’t expect to be sexually successful with any and every woman you meet. Sometimes sex doesn’t go smoothly; from the surprising, like finding your partner has some unexpected sexual preferences, to the mundane, like not being able to find the opening to your partner’s vagina as you try to enter her, the path of sex never runs quite as smoothly as it might. To overcome these challenges, you need to be intimate and relaxed with your partner, not starting out from a macho place where you think you should know what to do during every moment of every sexual encounter.