The art of male masturbation – a guide for women (and men!)

Seven top tips to please your man every time!

1 Use plenty of lube!

Lube can make the experience much more sensual for your man, whether his penis is circumcised or not. Oil-based lubricant is best.

Remember, though, that this will dissolve latex and so you can’t use it with condoms, diaphragms, or cervical caps.

Video – how to pleasure a man with your hand

2 Do it slowly – at least for a while!

Men generally masturbate quite quickly. To give your man a different experience, you can slow things down.

Remember that speed and friction on the penis are important in men’s masturbation, so that even if he delights in the soft slow sensuous touch you provide (see below), there’s likely to be a point at which he wants you to masturbate him harder and faster.

Why are we offering this guide? Men find a woman who is sexually skilled to be more desirable and easy to love than a woman who is less experienced sexually. It really is that simple – no matter what other factors make a man fall for a woman, sex is very important.

3 Use a teasing touch

Don’t be scared of hurting him

When a man masturbates, he uses much more pressure on his penis than you do on your clitoris.

Naturally enough, women tend to assume that they should approach their man’s penis as they would want their clitoris to be approached. This is not the case, unless of course you are going for the softly-softly approach suggested above.

An interesting variation of the soft and hard approach to masturbation is its use in training a man’s body to respond to sexual stimulation without ejaculating quickly.

One of the oldest, yet most effective, ways of stopping PE – see this for a full explanation – is to bring a man to the edge of ejaculation with masturbation, using lubricant such as oil which simulates the environment of the vagina, and then relax the pressure until the man is accustomed to receiving stimulation without ejaculating.

The pressure applied to the penis can gradually get more and more intense, allowing the man to withstand more pressure and longer intercourse without ejaculating prematurely.

4 Use smooth strokes

One way in which male and female masturbation is somewhat similar is that the speed and direction of strokes is best kept constant.

As a woman, you know how disruptive it can be if you suddenly find that your partner has changed pressure, speed or direction of strokes as he masturbates you. The same, broadly speaking, is true for men.

Even if you are doing an up and down stroke along the length of his penis, the pressure and speed of your hand movements shouldn’t change too much as you change direction.

5 Tease his balls

Many men ignore their testicles while they masturbate, which is a shame, since they can be delightfully sensitive and erotic. If you’re going to play with them, you have to gauge the pressure you apply very carefully, of course, since a hard squeeze at the wrong moment can be excruciatingly painful.

There are several possibilities for incorporating testicle play – for example, you can gently scratch his scrotum with your fingernails, tease it with your tongue, or take his scrotum into your mouth and gently roll his balls around with your tongue.

As he gets more aroused, he may be able to take some gentle manipulation of his balls between your fingers and thumbs, but the watchword here is ” be careful” !

Many men have a very pleasurable spot between their scrotum and anus.

6 The prostate – worth a finger 

Many men experience intense pleasure when having their prostate stimulated – a pleasure which has sometimes been likened to the pleasure a woman gets when her G spot is stimulated. His prostate can be massaged gently from the outside through his perineum or internally through his anus.

Self pleasuring techniques – suggestions for men

Most of our masturbation is probably a quick relief from sexual tension: whip out your penis, masturbate swiftly to a more-or-less satisfying orgasm, using one simple but effective technique that forms the backbone of your masturbation repertoire, and that’s it.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with this, and in fact I think it’s very necessary for men to do it, because our sexual drive is so high. However, once in a while it’s a rewarding experience to masturbate more slowly and sensuously.

To explain: knowing your body and its sexual responses can enhance your pleasure, build up your sexual self-confidence, provide you with an overall feeling of well-being, and make you feel more masculine and male.

It can also help you to be a better lover, more responsive and sensitive to your partner’s needs, which will in turn make her more eager to make love with you, and more responsive to your sexual overtures.

And, as you may know, nothing is more arousing to a man than making love to an aroused woman – so the whole sexual cycle between you and your partner gets better and better.

If you don’t have a sexual partner yet, then practicing sensuous self-pleasuring (i.e. masturbation!) can prepare you for the experience of making love.

After all, the better you are at pleasuring yourself, the more confident you will be when it comes to pleasuring another, or showing another person how to pleasure you.

So, to begin: the first requirement is that you have comfort and privacy: no distractions, no interruptions, and no-one with you.

(If your partner seems jealous of the time you are spending with yourself, then reassure her – or him – that they can join in next time.)

You’ll probably be better off if you choose a time when you have two or three hours to spare so you don’t feel any time pressure, either. Lastly, you’ll want to make sure you are warm enough to lie naked, probably on a bed, so you can be comfortable.

Remove all your clothes and lie down in any position in which you feel comfortable. Relax as much as you can, making a conscious decision to clear your mind of other concerns and worries for the moment. This is a time to devote to you and your penis.

You may wish to use a little massage oil to make your hands feel more sensuous it also makes it easier to move them over your skin. Begin by running your hands and fingers lightly over your body, arms and thighs, but not your penis or testicles. Let your mind wander – sexual fantasies are fine!

See how different types of massage strokes and pressures of touch feel on different parts of your body.

As you progress, spend more time touching your erogenous zones: that’s to say, the areas of your body that feel especially sensuous or sexual – these might include the area around your penis and testicles, your perineum (that’s the skin between your anus and your balls), maybe your anus, your armpits, inner elbows, ears, scalp, neck, inner thighs, and so on.

Let yourself fantasize about whatever makes you feel good, but don’t get carried away and start masturbating furiously! The aim here is to be slow, relaxed and sensuous!

As you get more aroused, start to masturbate, either using your hands in slow, sensuous, oiled strokes along the length of your penis or by thrusting gently against the bed as you lie on your stomach. If you are lying face down, use a pillow to support your head.

Whether you’re masturbating on your back or your front, keep your eyes closed and focus on the sensations that you feel in your body. Use your hands to fondle your balls, anus and indeed anywhere else you wish, so that your masturbatory experience becomes more body-centered than penis-centered.

You may find that making pelvic thrusts makes this all feel much better, increases your arousal, and improves the force and power of your ejaculation when you reach orgasm.

(And if you don’t have a sexual partner yet, practicing the movements of lovemaking – perhaps thrusting your penis into a pile of pillows or something similarly soft and non-resistant – can give you make you a bit more confident when you first have sex.)

As you near orgasm and ejaculation, don’t stop the movements of your hands on your body and balls. Squeeze your testicles gently, stroke your chest, pinch your nipples with as much pressure as you find erotic: all of these self-touches will add something to the experience and may well make it much more rewarding for you.

As you get nearer to coming, squeeze your legs together in time to your pelvic thrusts (or if you wish, play with your anus, perhaps by thrusting a sex toy gently into it in time with your hip movements, or simply by massaging it with a finger).

Any pressure or tension in the muscles of the pelvic region as you get nearer to coming will add to the sensations of your orgasm and ejaculation. You can experiment by making these muscles more tense before you ejaculate, or by going the opposite way and relaxing as completely as possible – this is a different experience but still a highly pleasurable one.

Finally, when you are about to ejaculate, let yourself go completely: move however you feel you want to, no matter how vigorous breath as deeply as you like shout out loud if you have the urge to do so. The release of sound when you come is a good way of expressing emotions.

And don’t worry about making a mess when you ejaculate – you’re aiming to be sensuous and unrestrained. So as your penis spurts semen onto your chest or the bed, let it flow: you can wipe it away later.

Then, once you’ve enjoyed your ejaculation, don’t hurry to wipe away the semen. Linger for a while, playing with your penis as it goes soft, or perhaps even repeating the whole experience.

A reader emails: I’ve enjoyed masturbating for more than 30 years, in all kinds of situations, alone and with others.

I’ve discovered many wonderful techniques to stimulate my penis, and with my increased experience has come a desire for more subtle methods which provocatively tease and draw out the pleasure most intensely, sometimes making it so blissful it’s almost unbearable.

And the more experienced you become the more you may want to delay orgasm and ejaculation for as long as possible – the continuous and relentless build-up of trembling excitement and pleasure make this extremely rewarding!

The penis-teasing techniques that I use are mostly very soft and gentle: I use my fingers, silk sheets and small household objects for subtle rubbing of the glans, combined with stroking, light scratching and fingertip touching of my balls and the skin all around them.

I also use an extensive collection of erotic pictures, which induce all kinds of extremely vivid fantasies, or I watch myself in the mirror, or both.

There are amazing and subtle pleasures to be created by reaching the very brink repeatedly of ejaculation and staying there, hour after hour and even day after day.

The longer you spend on the build-up to your ejaculation and orgasm, the more sensitive and responsive your whole body will become, especially that delightful hyper-sensitive region of buttocks, belly and inner thighs.

It’s actually possible to postpone coming for two or three weeks, even if you masturbate two or three times a day. Each session can last from one to three hours, perhaps even more.

In essence, it’s all about training yourself to resist masturbating to orgasm, the incentive being this intense physical pleasure which can last as long as you want, followed eventually by an unbelievably intense orgasm at the end of it all.

Every time you approach the edge of the point of no-return, where you know that your ejaculation is about to become inevitable, slow down…….while there’s still just time to prevent it, stop for a moment…..then start up all over again.

The more you do this, the more your excitement will mount, the more your anticipation will enhance your sexual sensations and emotions.

It’s possible, on the way to your final big ejaculation, to experience ‘mini orgasms’, tiny intense surges which come and go, and during which your penis, even while still soft and limp, may spurt out a few spatterings of milky white fluid, thinner than full ejaculate.

Once your body is really aroused, and very sensitive all over, a light and teasing touch, scratch and pinch on other parts of the body may evoke an immediate, intensely pleasurable sensation: this is particularly true of your nipples, feet, abdomen and buttocks, though just about anywhere can become hyper-sensitive in this way.

It usually takes me several days of repeated masturbation to reach this degree of hyper-sensitivity.