Men seem to think women are much less interested in sex than men.

I see it differently – I believe everyone has a sexual appetite. Whether it manifests or not depends on experience, motivation, confidence and environment.

We all know the cliche that women need to be loved to feel sexy. But is that really true? Could it be that many women aren’t interested in sex simply because their partner has stopped paying them the attention they deserve?

We could argue about this for ages, but the fact of the matter seems to be that most women have a full sexual appetite, especially in their 30s and beyond.

If you’re not feeling horny, then something is wrong.

Perhaps you need to encourage your partner to woo and seduce you, to treat you romantically. 

Or perhaps you need to encourage him to woo you into bed by “acting as if” you’re feeling sexy, and finding a way to put sex back on the agenda in your relationship.

You see, when we talk about pleasuring a man in bed there’s an implicit assumption that everybody involved is happy and willing to be sexual. Yet if you don’t feel horny, what then?

There’s no doubt that sexual appetite is important for good lovemaking. As “J”, author of How To Become The Sensuous Woman emphasized, it does two things.

First, it gives you the impetus to explore your man’s body with your own, thereby exciting him into being a better lover.

And second, it also sparks you into reaching out for the physical pleasure you are entitled to enjoy.

So, as J observes, you should value your sexual appetite highly and understand its moods. 

Maybe you’re dormant at the beginning of your period, and you feel sexually aroused at the point where you menstruate or ovulate.

Maybe your sex drive is higher in the morning than the afternoon, or non-existent when you’re tired.

By simply observing your own sexual desire, you can work out what turns you on, and when, and then you can bring that knowledge into your love life.

(You may find it useful to keep a diary for the next three months, noting down in it the date and time of day when you become sexually excited, or make love, or masturbate. If you record what was going on around you at the time, you’ll soon come to find a pattern which you will be able to appreciate and use intelligently to foster your sexual appetite. Or, more exactly, to find those times when your sexual appetite’s going to be highest, so that you can set out a banquet that will please both you and your man.)

If you feel that you really do have a problem with low sex drive, is a useful guide and information here.

Moving On Towards Sex

Do you feel it’s your duty, or even a moral responsibility, to give yourself fully to a man you respect, and are sexually attracted to?

If so, what are your ethics around this?

Would you betray another man to whom you’ve made a promise of fidelity, if you find someone more attractive in your life?

Just as importantly, perhaps, are you clear about how you behave sexually?

Do you, for example, “lead on”, “cock-tease” or emotionally or physically “play” with a man whose love and sexuality you know you don’t wish to return?

These are important things to consider. Being a fully-fledged sensuous woman doesn’t mean that you have the right to do anything you please!

And the sooner you arrive at a set of ethics around your own sexual behavior, the earlier you will rest easy, knowing that you’re very clear about the ethical and moral aspects of sex for you. 

And of course there’s another side to this: it’s natural for a man to have a wandering eye and a fertile sexual imagination, points out “J”. You need to have a strategy to deal with that, too.

You might say that even if men are naturally polygamist by nature, they should have learned by now to curb or control the urges they experience and be faithful to one woman.

To be honest I’d agree with you, but the truth the matter is that married or not, in relationship or not, men will always looking at other women – either overtly or covertly.

And many men will actually sample other women – even if they are in relationship with you.

Trust me, if this is happening, it’s because sex is not satisfying or pleasurable to your man. Bluntly, a man who’s being fully pleasured in bed, by a woman who really knows how to please a man, won’t stray.

These are realities of being involved with a man, says “J”. She goes on to observe…..

So get this straight: if you’re to keep your man monogamous, it’s your responsibility to give him the sexual variety and adventure at home that he could easily find on his own elsewhere.

You have to fight woman’s most deadly sexual enemy – familiarity – for it breeds boredom in the male.

To keep him from wandering, your greatest allies are imagination, sensitivity to his moods and desires, and the courage to experiment with new sexual techniques, particularly in enticing situations and places.

You might realize that after a while in a relationship – I’ve often seen 18 months quoted – that your lovemaking has slipped into a familiar routine. (More on that 18 month itch here.)

Instinctively you might begin to sense there’s a certain level of boredom in your man.

Instinctively, you might begin to suspect that he is ready to slip into the bed of another woman because he needs the stimulation of a new experience.

But you, the sensuous woman, can find a way of working on his sex drive which will so please him in bed that he is not going to look for pleasure with any other woman.

It doesn’t take a great deal of imagination to conjure up a situation where you can seduce your boyfriend or husband or partner with something that’s going to excite him.

How To Please A Man With Variety

Here is just one example from “J’s” How to Become the Sensuous Woman:

One of the most ingenious ploys I’ve ever heard of was pulled off by Janet, who is so respectable and ladylike in her looks and behavior she would make Emily Post seem like a wanton in comparison.

On Saturday night recently Janet purposely delayed dressing until the very last minute for the dinner party she and her husband were attending. She was so short of time she had to finish applying her make-up in the car and, as they drove up their host’s driveway, she was putting on her earrings.

However, Janet stepped from the car perfect in appearance, beautifully groomed and elegantly gowned. She delivered her bombshell as they stood on the steps ringing their host’s bell.

Just as the door started to open and it was too late to retreat, Janet grabbed her husband’s arm and gasped “Oh, Dick, I was in such a hurry I forgot to put on my panties!”

Well, you won’t be surprised to learn that all evening Dick kept picturing what his very ladylike wife looked like under her proper dress. He wouldn’t let another man come near her, and by the time they started home he’d become so excited by Janet’s tantalizing and secret nakedness that he couldn’t wait to make love to her. In fact they had to stop at a motel before they got home….

He had seen her at six that evening completely naked and nothing had happened to him at all, but the picture he was creating in his mind of Janet naked drove him crazy.

Janet confessed to me the next day that he had outdone himself as a lover that night, and she had never felt so wicked and sensual – and desirable!

You see, there are plenty of ways you can reintroduce excitement and sexual thrills to your relationship, even if it’s simple as going away for a night to a hotel while the children are looked after by a relative or babysitter.

And then there’s role-play.

Maybe you know your man’s always had a thing about geisha girls, in which case you can find an outfit to suit on the Internet and surprise him when he gets home.

And it won’t hurt you now and again to greet your man when comes in through the front door with a skimpy silk outfit just barely covering your breasts and your “Heavenly Garden”.

It’s all about keeping your man offguard and curious about what you will do next. Simply using a few feminine techniques like this will keep him too focused on you to stray.

And this does NOT mean you have to maintain a sexual aura all the time. It simply means you have to introduce enough variety once in awhile to keep the pleasure and satisfaction, and the sexual interest, of your man directed towards YOU!

The History of Sex

“J” writes amusingly about the days when somehow it became acceptable for men and women to read about sexual pleasure, hot to please a man in bed, and how to satisfy a woman in bed.

Millions of couples read those books – all directed (as you may guess) towards the respectable married couples of the 1950s. (Single people had to cope for themselves.)

Of course we’ve moved on since then, but I do wonder if some of the “rules” set out in the 1950s still influence us.

For example, the message of those pioneering marriage manuals was always that women have to be sexually responsive, and it’s up to men to arouse and satisfy them, no matter how much effort that might take.

Do you think, like me, there’s still quite a lot of truth in this? That it’s an unspoken belief we all hold at some level?

Now, why would that be?

Because of an old rule, a more instinctive human rule, which says that woman was designed to give pleasure to man.

If so, by not listening to our instincts, we women made a number of mistakes. The first one, J claims, is to be so busy in bed getting satisfied and pleasured that somehow we forgot our responsibilities as women.

Or, to put it another way, as “J” says:

“We forgot that there were two of us in that bed and that it was just as important to give the man a wonderful experience sexually as it was to receive it. 

“We forgot what females have been taught since time began: as women we should be ardent conservationists of our most important natural resource – man.

“And, we were designed to delight, excite and satisfy the male of the species. Real women know this.

“Don’t scream unfair to me. Nature is looking out for us too, for it works both ways: men were designed to delight, excite and satisfy the female of the species.

“The sexes have different ways of going about it. Men conquer through aggressive and skilled passion and love; women surrender too, and are swept up in, passion and love.

“When you are able joyfully, tenderly and lustfully to offer every square inch of yourself for him to feast upon, and when you are able to sweetly use your erotically skilled body as a sensual instrument to satiate his appetite, then you will find that you will receive a piercingly beautiful pleasure in return.

“For he will be unable to help rising to the occasion and matching your complete sensuality. No one has more to gain from giving than a woman.”

So how can you teach yourself to give it?

You could start by doing the exercises described in her book (see here for more on these exercises).

These exercises are all about training your body to give a quicker and stronger response to sexual stimulation. That way your body will automatically give more in a sexual situation. That’s because it knows instinctively that by giving more of itself it gets more in return.

“J” goes on to say:

“It reaps the dividends of more and better orgasms and more exciting sex. You will know that you are successfully giving when your body feels that it is flowing into with him, and that you can’t help being swept in any direction he chooses.”

However “J” also cautions:

“Give, but don’t be a Pollyanna, a martyr, a saint, or a doormat. Your brain is part of your body and you must use it.

So if your man doesn’t give back pleasure, there are two possibilities.

First,  he is selfish, in which case get rid of him. Or he hasn’t yet come into full bloom sexually and doesn’t know technically or emotionally how to respond completely.  In this case you can help him explore and take command of his sexuality.

“Men can be shocked when they meet a woman for the first time who’s fully into her sexual nature and allows it to have full reign.”

Indeed, many men keep their sexual desires, appetites and abilities under such tight reign that they suffer from delayed ejaculation.

Making love to a man like this can be a shock for a woman. Imagine, if you were a sensuous woman making love to a man who believed it would be shameful to be aroused by the power of the woman he was in bed with.

A man like this is probably subscribing to the old view that it’s a man’s job to pleasure a woman. But although it may take you awhile to release his sexual desire and sensuality, the rewards of doing so will be well worthwhile.

But perhaps this isn’t good enough? Perhaps you might like to know in advance of a man will be a good prospect in bed? “J” has some advice here too.

She says a man can give you a number of clues about his sensuality. For example, his eyes can be very revealing.

“Observe how he uses them. Do his eyes caress and undress your body with obvious pleasure? That’s a good sign.

“Do you have the feeling that he never really fully looks at your body, even when your back is to him? In which case, watch out, for he may be one of those men who are ashamed of the sexual act, and because of this gives a perfunctory performance.

“But has he tried to con you with eye games? Penetrating stairs that make you feel he can see all the way to your palpitating heart and quivering clitoris, or long soulful looks designed to melt you into mush are no indication of superior bed skills. In fact they can be the tools of a second-rate lover.

“Is he a man who doesn’t bother to focus on your face and individuality even while he is making those first sexual overtures? Stay away from him. He isn’t interested in you, he just wants a convenient bed partner.

“And pay attention to his kissing style. If he attacks your mouth with force and makes you feel he is going to jam your front teeth down your throat, he is even going to be more cloddish than that in the advanced stages of lovemaking.

“If on the other hand he pecks you with dry pursed lips he is not likely to make your blood race either. Send him onto one of those girls who think sex is one of the unpleasant duties that come with marriage. They deserve each other.

“Men who are good lovers invariably use their tongues imaginative in the early kissing stages. You could assume if he uses his tongue badly or not at all, he is going to be equally dull in bed.

“When he caresses you, do you tingle and begin to feel warm all over? He is likely to arouse even hotter responses in you when you have your clothes off!

“Does he treat your breasts like unripe grapefruit instead of firmly but gently caressing them? Who needs him?”

And so on and so on. There are many clues to a man’s sexual ability. If you’re alert you’ll catch on pretty quickly.

Sometimes a man may pass all your standards and still turn out to be a dud in bed. But when you’ve taught yourself and your senses to tune into the masculine love style, you’re going to have very few lousy lovers in your life.

And weeding out the “throwbacks” from the keepers before intimacy starts is kinder to both of you.

You save his male pride from being demolished, and you save yourself from a less than happy experience.

Next – pleasuring a man in bed.

You might not be surprised to learn that the culmination of J’s sensitivity exercises – learning just how sensitive your body can be to touch – is masturbation. This is all in the service of learning how best to please a man in bed.

You can call this “self pleasuring” if you prefer. That’s a nice way of describing masturbation.

But no matter what you call it, masturbation is a totally normal and enjoyable activity. Nearly every woman has masturbated at some time in her life. Most continue to do so even when they are in a relationship.

The secret is to enjoy it without guilt or shame. You see, no matter what you feel about masturbation,  it is a great way of becoming familiar with the sexual responses of your own body.

So overcome your sensitivity to the “M” word, call it self-pleasuring if you wish, but make sure you enjoy what J calls “masturbation workouts”. Here’s what she said about it all. 

By exploring your own body in this most intimate of ways, you can work out what kind of manipulation in the clitoral area will give you the quickest response or the most enjoyable orgasm.

You can work out what pattern of stimulation will give you multiple orgasms, too.

For example, do you need to stop for a minute after you come before starting out for the next peak?

Or can you simply continue stimulating your clitoris after you’ve come, going on immediately to your next orgasm?

You can learn more interesting things too. Like, how many orgasms you can have in a single session before you’re tired!

All of this is a great way of becoming fully erotic, knowing your body, knowing your sexual responses, and being sensual when you meet the man of your desires.

(Imagine if you had to waste precious time learning how to become sexually alive when you’re in bed with the man you desire! And with whom yo want to share sensual or sexual pleasure!) 

Learning How To Be Orgasmically Sensual

Pick a time of day or evening when you’re assured of privacy without interruption of any kind.

This is your time, so  devote yourself to it.

Find a lubricant you like. This might be oil-based – coconut oil, perhaps, or grapeseed oil, or a water-based lubricant (although they tend to dry out faster).

And do remember that your objective here isn’t just self pleasuring. It’s to learn about how your body responds so that you be orgasmic when you’re pleasuring a man in bed or being pleasured by him.

After all, sex is, or ought to be, a two-way street of mutual exchange of sexual satisfaction, fulfilment, gratification, and of course pleasure.

But how much easier it is to get that glorious place if you know the sexual potential of your own body before you’re in bed with your chosen man. (Or, if you are a sensuous woman, before he chooses you….)

Start by gently exploring the area of your vulva and clitoris. Is the head of your clitoris sensitive or maybe ultrasensitive to touch? Do you get a warm sensation when you rub the shaft?

Does the stimulation feel better on the left or the right-hand side of your clit? Does your whole Mons area feel sensitive, or is sensitivity limited to your vulva? And as you massage the edges of your labia, and your vaginal opening, what sensations do you experience?

Maybe you can bring yourself to orgasm without too much difficulty.

But on the other hand you may not be able to, and if that’s the case then you might want to do something about it.

You see, although it’s possible for you to take a man to bed and sexually fulfil him, there will be an element of pleasure and satisfaction – even joy – missing if you don’t reach orgasm as well.

No matter what you think about equality of the sexes, and equality of sexual opportunity, there is definitely a sense in many men’s minds that somehow it’s their “responsibility” to take a woman to orgasm!

And in my experience, even though it’s a point of view you often find played down these days, women do seem to like being taken to orgasm by their man. (Of course the same is true in reverse, too. Men loved to be pleasured by a woman.)

So think how much more easy and pleasurable it will be for both of you if you’re already orgasmic before you meet your man. When you do meet him, you can pleasure your man to sexual ecstasy on your first time in bed. Better still, you can share the joy of orgasm.

Now, even if you are orgasmic there’s always something more to learn about how your body responds to stimulation.

Believe it or not, Planned Parenthood has published some statistics which suggest that up to 30% of women – around one in three – have trouble reaching orgasm!

There’s no question that having greater confidence around sex, and a greater awareness of the sensual potential of their own body would probably help many of these women to reach orgasm without difficulty

Use A Vibrator?

Perhaps the best way to experiment with reaching orgasm (whether or not you’re not enjoying them already!) is to use a vibrator.

There’s plenty of choice online, and you can order in complete confidence and privacy. (For example – Babeland USA and Lovehoney UK.)

Let’s assume that you have your vibrator. Let’s also assume also that you’re lying naked on your bed quietly relaxing with your eyes closed, tuning into the feel of your body.

What a great prospect lies ahead! “J” was certainly an expert writer – she can make the reader begin to tingle with excitement just from her words. But the exercises aren’t just exciting! They really do help women to become orgasmic.

So as you lie on the bed, “J” suggests that you allow your mind to float off tot he thought of someone who excites you sexually. And that could be absolutely anybody! A movie star, your boyfriend, the new executive in the office, your neighbor down the street.

Whoever turns you on, imagine him looking at you stretched out naked on the bed, with your body open and hungry for him.

Feel him caressing your breasts, running his hands down and over your abdomen, stroking the inside of your thighs…. reaching higher now and gently massaging your clitoris. Let the vibrator be his hands and penis and as you take your time to enjoy the sensations let yourself go. After all, you have all night, or as long as you choose….. 

Allow yourself to be swallowed up in the continuous rhythmic stimulation of the vibrator as you move it up and down around your clitoris and vagina.

As you do that, let the fantasy man in your mind rule your mind and body.

Perhaps he would be thrusting deep into you while your pelvis arches up to meet him. Perhaps he’d be thrusting hard in his eagerness to reach the commanding ecstasy of orgasm.

Or maybe he’d be teasing you, making you reach out for the next sensation……

Whatever,  if you find that one fantasy you conjure up isn’t working for you, then wander onto the next one. And if you really need help, get hold of a copy of Nancy Friday’s book on female fantasies, My Secret Garden, or something more modern if you prefer.

Allow your fantasies to excite you whether they are your own or you borrow them from the book.

No matter what form fantasies take, even if they seem “socially unacceptable” they’re still your fantasies. Forced sex, threesomes, orgies, animals, lesbianism…. you can be as outrageous as you like! Whatever turns you on!

After all, no one is ever going to know……..

Now, of course if you’re new to the art of self pleasuring, you might not strike it rich with the pleasure of orgasm the first time you try.

It might even take a few weeks of practice to get your body to respond freely. Just like muscles that aren’t used, your “masturbation muscles” are going to be creaky and unused in the beginning. So much the better! More opportunity for practice. You’ll just have to build up their strength with more and more practice!

But the main thing you need if you’re a beginner in the art of developing your sensuality and sensuous sexual qualities is patience.

Research has shown that 95% of women who use self-stimulation can become orgasmic within a few weeks of beginning to use the vibrator.

And Your Fingers For Self-Pleasuring!

Of course there’s always somewhere else to go the world of sex, and in this case it’s too move from the stimulation of the vibrator to stimulation with your fingers.

Since you don’t get as much stimulation from your fingers, you’ll effectively be teaching yourself to develop a high level of sensitivity. Again, whatever technique you find to be satisfying is the  one to use; there’s no right or wrong when it comes to self pleasuring.

If you’d like to read more about female masturbation techniques you can do that here.

And finally, as”J” points out, Masters and Johnson discovered that masturbation to orgasm after the beginning of menstruation would “increase the flow, reduce pelvic cramping and often relieved menstrually associated backache”. What’s not to like?

Back in the days when women were supposed to be shy and demure, an anonymous author calling herself “J” wrote a book called “How To Become The Sensuous Woman“.

This was a revolutionary book at the time, because it described quite openly and explicitly how ordinary girls who wanted better sexual experiences could turn themselves into man magnets – and sexually pleasure a man, while enjoying the sex themselves.

You can understand how revolutionary this was in the context of the late 1960s and early 70s. Just imagine! A book for women, describing “how to move from lousy sex to great sex” and teaching you how to be “a full woman” – this was almost unheard of!

Needless to say, the women who read this book attracted men easily, and apparently had wonderful sex lives.

So I’m going to put up a series of posts describing some of “J’s” advice and information. Hopefully, time will prove how valuable her advice remains as you discover your own way of learning how pleasure a man and give him the sexual satisfaction he craves.

Now, you might be thinking that this is all a bit superficial, and that a relationship should be based on love, mutual compatibility, and so on.

And of course long-term relationships do involve all those wonderful qualities! But you have to understand that from a man’s point of view, one of the best “hooks” you can offer is to be a sensual woman. He’ll fall for it almost every time…

What does that mean? Well it means being good in bed – at the very least, being enthusiastic about sex.

And it does mean something more as well.

It means being a woman who is confident and competent in sexual techniques which can please men.

But don’t make the mistake of thinking that this is a one-sided giveaway from you to him, from woman to man.

The reality of human relationships is that when you know how to please a man or to pleasure him in bed, however you want to put it, you will give him the gift of reconnection to his feelings of affection and love.

And that will give him ample opportunity to work out how he feels about you. And it will give you ample opportunity to display the qualities which will convince him that you really are the one he needs to settle down with.

Is this using sex as a tool to get a man?

You can see it that way if you like! I’d rather see it as a true meeting of male and female.

As the woman using her innate sexual gifts (which can pleasure her just as much as they can pleasure any man), to establish a connection with the man which can then develop into a relationship.

So please don’t forget that at every point in your relationship,  from the very first moment you set eyes on a man, you’re in charge of the sex. How much, how often, how satisfying and pleasurable it is.

In short, there’s as much sex in the relationship as you choose to offer. 

And this is not about being cheap or giving yourself away! It’s about genuinely finding a way to offer a man sexual satisfaction and pleasure, for the benefit of the two of you.

You see, there’s nothing that makes a man more eager to pleasure a woman than the fact she is willing to take the time and care to give him what he really craves more than anything else – a woman who knows how to  (and is willing to) pleasure a man gracefully and willingly. Or, to put it another way, to satisfy his most urgent desires.

“J” makes the point that you can learn to be sensuous.

She talks of “digging up and honing a lot of qualities that have been lying fallow deep within you”.

And then she lists what she sees as the four keys to increased sensuality. They are: heightened sensitivity, sexual appetite, the desire to give, and sexual skill.

And it’s certainly true that when you look through her book she’s offering timeless advice.

For example, to become a good lover, you do indeed need to be in touch with your own physical sensitivity, with the sensations and sensitivity of your skin.

She describes each of these areas in turn. And I’m going to describe her suggestions, and offer ideas about how you might follow it in our modern, electronic era!

So, to start at the very beginning….

To increase the sensitivity of your skin to stimulation, which is an essential part of building a greater sensuality, she describes several exercises which can help increase sensuality.

The first one involves getting together a number of household items with different textures.

She suggests using a leather glove, a powderpuff, a cracker, a bar of soap, a rolling pin, a fur hat, a dish of water, a terry cloth towel, a silk scarf, a slice of bread, a pincushion, a leaf off a plant, a pearl necklace, and anything else you fancy.

You sit in a comfortable chair, blindfold yourself, and then slowly and gently run your hands over each of these items for a total of 10 minutes.

She suggests that you “allow each one’s special texture to imprint itself in your fingertips”. After which, you lean back in the chair, and recreate in your mind how each item felt when you were touching it.

In essence, your fingers can actually memorize the cool firmness of the pearls, the rough intricacy of the lace, the bumpiness of the cracker, the fluffiness of the powderpuff, and so on. (Can you get a powderpuff these days?)

You will, claims J, be surprised at your tactile memory. She advises you to finish by touching everything one more time and then rest.

I’m sure you can see how this kind of exercise can improve your sensual awareness of touch.

Her exercises gradually increase in what I’d call “sexual quality” right up to number nine, which is all about celebrating your body by buying “some absolutely scrumptious feminine things – lacy, silky, meltingly feminine.”

And she’s right about that, because by indulging yourself with underwear of real quality and beauty, you will feel like a sexy, feminine woman. Few things match the knowledge that you’re wearing the most glamorous, seductive and beautiful underwear.

Trying her exercises can change your self-image so that you begin to see yourself as inherently more sensual and, therefore, sexual.

Before we go on, a note of caution. Feminism worked hard for increased feminine liberation and opportunity, not to mention the acceptance of feminine power in society.

Perhaps to you it somehow seems slightly questionable that a woman should go all out to develop her feminine sensuality simply for the purpose of pleasuring a man or pleasing him in bed.

So I want to emphasize again that, for me, this is all about really getting in touch with, and connecting with, your basic feminine nature.

This is the essence of the Goddess within you. You can’t fully experience your own sexual power, in my opinion, unless you sit firmly in the place where nature originally put you.

After all, you are a woman, with all the feminine genes and historical cultural knowledge of what it really means to be a woman. Some words that come to mind here are seduction, sensuality, sexual, sexual fulfilment, sexual power, and sexual gratification.

Of course ultimately it’s for you to decide if you really want to develop a full sexual expression of your femininity in pursuit of your desire to pleasure a man.

But I’m guessing you wouldn’t be here, reading this, if there wasn’t a part of you which was at least curious about what it would be like to sit firmly in a very feminine place.

Curious about how best to seduce a man, to offer him the full ripeness of your glorious femininity. And to do that not only for his pleasure, but for the deep and profound sexual fulfilment and satisfaction which you will experience as you meet both his needs and your own.

But I’m not going to reproduce all of “J’s” exercises about how to increase sensuality and sensitivity to touch. For one thing, the book still available secondhand on Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk. Just search for “How To Become The Sebnsuous Woman”.

For another, you may prefer a more modern route to increasing sensuality, such as you can find on the Internet. There’s an example here and another excellent piece here.

But one thing I do want to mention before I move on to the next step in J’s program for pleasuring a man is the book Sanasession by Grace Jane Treber.

There are a few copies around on Amazon; act now and you might be lucky enough to get hold of one.

Here’s how J describes it: “She offers those all-important exercises to condition your lovemaking muscles, such as the gluteals, the abdominals and the levator. I strongly advise you to read and do the exercises recommended by Grace in her famous book called Sanasession. Although you can benefit from the whole book, these exercises are contained in her remarkable seventh chapter. I think you’ll find her healthy, no-nonsense attitude toward sex refreshing and the exercises fantastic. Don’t procrastinate on the exercise program. You’re really going to need those toned muscles when you get to… my advice on how to drive a man to ecstasy!”

And that, which we will come to shortly, can be found in Chapter 11 of J’s book How To Be The Sensuous Woman.